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:: That's when my restlessness begins, please don't let it win.. I'm so tired again.
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It is break up day in the AC, kids!
Eliza and Chris. Pete and me.
Yeah, that's right. Everyone knew it would happen. Every time I told someone about dating him they'd be completely surprised. "Are you serious!?" Yes, I was serious.
"We'll always be that way, no matter what they say."
Well, what they say got the best of me this time. And I asked so many people for advice on him and only one person told me the truth on what they thought. Only one person told me maybe it's just not worth it, but that person is friends with Pete so I won't say any names.
But to that person - thank you.
I'm not really... sad. No, sad isn't the right word here. I'm just disappointed. There was I think maybe one day in there that I did, in fact, love him. Maybe more than one day but I can only think of one day when there was a distinct feeling of loving him.
Maybe it was indigestion.
It was wasted time. We didn't build any kind of history in our time together so it just basically, to me, wraps up to time misspent. Time I could have been using to try and find someone who would touch me and who would talk to me and who would attempt to make me smile and who cared when I was down. Someone who didn't just ask for sympathy when they were down.
He never noticed that he was hurting me. Not that that's anything new, no one ever really does. That was so fucking emo, someone shoot me for saying that.
Whatever. I'm still wasting my time on this just from writing about it. It was never worth it. There was never anything there. He never cared. I only partially cared. I don't think I'll ever find that 'soul mate' that we always bitched about on Dawson's Creek.
It's okay though. I don't really care.
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:: mood:  lonely
:: music: she's | ryan cabrera
| 23 comments | post a comment
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:: I don't have a subject. Ever.
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I beat Orlando. And I lied when I said I wouldn't tell.
I think I want to have Holly's babies because, I mean, hello. She's just so sexy. Oh yes. Creek Cunt/Charmed Bitch babies!!
Avril got really hot, it's amazing.
Adam and I are going to go lick dildos.
Apparently a lot of people didn't even know Pete and I were together. But, hi, I love him so yay.
I want a Big Mac. I'm a vegetarian though!
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:: mood:  excited
:: music: razorblade kiss | HIM
| 8 comments | post a comment
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:: It's your lover on the television screen
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I'll be honest.
I tried to find reasons why I couldn't be with you. I tried to think of all the reasons why it didn't make sense and why it would never work and how it would ultimately all crumble down in the end. I only came up with one reason: I'd do something to make it not make sense and I'd be the one to do something to make it just not work. I realized that with the exception of one or two relationships, it was always me. I was always the one sabotaging the relationship and it was always my fault.
I don't want that to happen with you.
More honesty. I've done my fair share of bitching about you to my friends. I'm forever frustrated with you and I always feel the need to vent about it to someone because I can't be constantly yelling at you, I do it enough as it is. But I realized today that that's what I love about you. I can't figure you out and you never explain it to me. I hate that but I love it because I've never wanted the answers as much as I do with you. And I also hate how you always put me in my place. But again, I love it because you're the only one who ever does that. I get away with far too much. But I also love how you always let me win even when I'm wrong.
You're right. I do want to argue about how perfect we are for each other. We're complete opposites and all we do is fight. But in a way, I really don't want to argue. I like the idea, I really do. I want so badly, as much as I always protest, for someone to hold me back and for someone to make me feel something deep and something that no one can touch. I want you to do that.
I'm sorry for anything I've said before. I'm even more sorry for anything I've done. It took me until today to see what I did and didn't want. I want you. That's the only thing that's making sense to me right now.
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:: mood:  thoughtful
:: music: she says | howie day
| 1 comment | post a comment
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:: WHOOOOOOAAAA MY EPONINE
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My friends are really fucked up.
HAHAHAHA TONIGHT WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER THOUGH! I'm so horrible. Whatever I don't care.
I'm changing my name to Eponine. Les Mis is so cool.
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:: mood:  silly
:: music: eponine | ozma
| 19 comments | post a comment
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:: You've got me going crazy
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Not too much has been going on lately. I mean, there's all that Batman and First Daughter stuff, but that's just work and press and blah blah blah. You know I have a few projects that are starting next year and whenever I say 'next year', it always seems so far off bur I just had a thought and that's... not far off at all. Weird.
I like to act up around people. Not that that's new or anything, but I just noticed how much I do it. Then you get me with one person and I'm all quiet and actually... nice. That's also weird.
Pete's still cool.
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:: mood:  high
:: music: right here waiting for you | richard marx
| 6 comments | post a comment
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